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Nation’s Spirits Raised As Gabb Returns
Englishmen and their wives the length and breadth of the kingdom were today much cheered by the news that Sean Gabb would be imminently returning to our shores. On the stock market, there was a sharp rally as a new spirit of confidence rippled through traders. And in the streets of humble towns and villages, impromptu street parties broke out, requiring an urgent and brutal response by the lads of the PCSO.
A government spokesman reassured this organ that everything is under control, and that our nation’s institutions are well trained to deal with a surprise Gabb. Said Interior Minister Lord Sleaze Of Islington, “we have dealt with a sudden Gabb before, and nobody should be alarmed. While the return of a Libertarian of this magnitude has been known to cause spontaneous outbreaks of spontaneity, rest assured that we will take them in our stride; all police leave has been cancelled and weapons issued. This is England. You are not here to enjoy yourself.”
Reports that Gabb would be making a triumphal entry into London, riding in a gilded carriage drawn by beautiful white mares and surrounded by a remarkable entourage of dancers, acrobats, jugglers and performing animals have not been confirmed and continued on page 3