Titter ye not


When Frankie uttered these famous words it was a cue. A hint that even though he appeared to be discussing/taking something very, very seriously, it was expected that you, the punter, should look a little deeper, chuckle at the humour that was thrown your way and wait patiently for the punchline. His true art was to play with words. He could turn an innocent statement into a comedy classic with out blinking.

Today the Squids and I went to an open day at a local Marine Barracks. Doing assault courses. Watching loonies in full Marine kit drop to the ground (via a 200ft long rope) from a helicopter. Climbing all over tanks and vast quantities of sunshine, sea air, fizzy pop, ice cream and face painting made for a fantastic day out – not sure what the Squids got up to but I’m sure they enjoyed it too.

When we got home, in the post, I had received a flyer. It contained a ‘personal letter’. In the interests of (attempted) accuracy, I have included all CAPITALS and bold highlighting. I have changed the (Labour Candidates) name to protect the innocent. As for the other (do-nothing) guy, the flyer doesn’t actually mention his name.

The flyer was titled


Thursday June 4th Time To Choose Between JOE BLOGGS OUR ALL YEAR ROUND HARD WORKING COUNCILLOR or the stay-at-home do-nothing Tory.

Local Mummy’s Town resident Joe Bloggs is the Labour Candidate at this election.

This is followed by Joe Bloggs’s CV guff. Then it says,

JOE BLOGGS believes in:-

Lots of Nu Labour guff such as cleaner greener, by-passes, glass recycling, tough policing, economic development,young people and of course value for money.

Then it says :-

Do you realise that at many Council Meetings many Councillors NEVER speak and sometimes NEVER even bother to turn up?-You can rest assured that JOE is always there speaking up for our local residents.

Then it says:-


1. Joe Bloggs is the only only candidate at this election with a proven track record of service and action. Joe is respected for not indulging in the lies, smears and innuendos so common in local politics.

2. Joe LIVES IN MUMMY’S TOWN and is aware of local issues that affect you.

3. Everyone knows that Joe Bloggs works hard all the year round NOT JUST WHEN HE WANTS YOUR VOTE.

4. Joe Bloggs is the Candidate with the MOST EXPERIENCE STANDING IN THIS ELECTION

So that’s the front page – same old, same old. The back is filled with 4 or 5 sections highlighting important things going on in Mummy’s Town that have pissed all the residents off (big stylee) and what good old Joe would do about them.

So is this worth a titter – well a little. There are a couple of quirky bits, like well, being him being a Labour Candidate, plus his statement Joe is respected for not indulging in the lies, smears and innuendos so common in local politics – having just slagged off the local Tory Candidate and stating that most Councillors were lazy bags of shite. Joe you is Red, through and through.

How ever. Inside this flyer was the personal (see standard computer print out) letter. It was in an envelope and everything. The letter was filled with pretty much the same guff as the flyer but with one extra special bit. Like all classic comedians Joe Bloggs saved his punchline till the very end. It was classy, to the point but very understated. Right now, I am having visions of Frankie, Eric Morecambe and Les Dawson giving this guy a spiritual standing ovation.

 Right down the bottom it says:-

Please remember you are not voting for the Government today. You are voting for someone to speak up for you on the County Council.

Now it may be the sun, it may be the fizzy pop, it may even be close proximity to a bunch of sweaty Marines, but I found this simple statement that funniest fucking thing I have read in ages.

Yes this is a double post – again – I’m sorry.

3 responses to “Titter ye not

  1. Fred Bloggs

    Sadly Joe is the black sheep of my family, my mum gave orders to shoot him on sight.

  2. The Kingfish

    “Joe is respected for not indulging in the lies, smears and innuendos so common in local politics”. Rather wonderful, in my opinion. Up there with Simon Hughes’ comment when campaigning against Peter Tatchell – “Before this by-election begins, I’d like you all to know that I want a fair fight and will therefore not be referring to my opponent’s homosexuality.”

  3. So far, I’ve been told that people like ME are voting for the BNP (apparently then they’re a big hit among aging libertarian psychedelic rock fans. Who knew?), also, a special message from union thug Bob Crow asking me to vote against the Lisbon Treaty to save the NHS and, er, rail networks, a strange leaflet from somebody called “UKF(irst)” who want to end political correctness, and want English language for all, though whether this will be a gift or a requirement isn’t clear. They’re going to educate Youth in the work ethic. I think he was the singer in Killing Joke.

    Also, several different conservatives urging me to vote for “change”, I expect they’re holding back the Hope until the general election. And the Lib Dems, with a lineup of rictus grins, attempting to urge the last half dozen europhiles out to the polling stations.

    Nothing from Labour, I think they’ve packed up and gone home.