The Baird of Northumbria.


by Anna Raccoon
http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/AnnaRaccoon/~3/sRBkleZmTUs/

Voice of the Baird! Who present, past, and future sees; Whose ears have heard, The voters word, That walks among the PCCs…
…with apologies to William Blake…

And so it came to pass that the Boiler-suit-in-chief, Vera Baird, was once more returned to paid employment.

83.2%% of the electorate stayed at home, preferring to trim their nostril hair, watch Nadine Dorries munch an Ostiche’s anus, or desolately watching the gas meter inexorably consuming their Christmas bonus. 3,887 turned out and wrote ‘none of the above’, or ‘I’m bored witless by this’ on their ballot paper. 45,845 voted for the Conservative candidate, a former policeman. 18,876 thought the UKIP candiate would make a better fist of things. 13,916 were prepared to give the Lib-Dems the benefit of the doubt.

9.4% of the electorate dutifully voted Labour and decided that Vera was the very person to have the authority to decide whether the Chief Constable of Northumbria should concentrate on speeding offences or spend her time chasing Facebook commentators rash enough to opine that ‘Our Sharon is a bit of a slag’…

If she doesn’t make the right choice, (in her eyes) then Vera can boot her out. It used to take nine different people to make that decision, but now the power is all Vera’s. Such is democracy.

She is already complaining that it is all the fault of the nasty Tories that so many people found their toenails more interesting than voting.

Strangely, even the left wing media is ignoring Vera’s appointment. More column inches have been devoted this morning to the resounding punch on the nose that the voters have delivered to Lard Prescott. There is a low key entry in the Guardian in the manner of a standard obituary – and that is it…apart from the ever loyal Northern Echo reporting that she had nothing whatsoever to say about crime or policing in the area, just that she was pissed off that the Tories had chosen to hold the election in the winter…

I would love to be able to tell you of all the good things Vera is going to do for the benighted inhabitants of Northumbria, but in the early hours of this morning she found time to block one Anna Raccoon from her Twitter feed…

Seems she doesn’t want to risk me informing my readers of how she has finally been demoted to the level of her own incompetence and is making a success of something…well, she might do!

You’ll just have to make do with the new Vera Baird category on this blog where you can read all about her past shenanigans and any other interesting snippets that readers send me.

sRBkleZmTUs

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