Lollipop ladies and hidden agendas


David Davis

In the 1950s, when “lollipop ladies” were invented, they’d collect about 20 or 30 children and pedestrians on the sidewalk, which would only take a couple of minutes at school run time: then they’d stride out and stop the traffic for say 20 or 30 seconds while everybody crossed in a gaggle.

The local one who “did” the A24 London Road outside my school, told me that she was “not to stop the traffic more than is absolutely necessary!” When asked why by us boys, she said that it would be considered both rude and inconvenient to “motorists”.

These days, one detects a sort of hysterically-driven urge on their part to step out and halt (much much denser) vehcle-streams at the mere appearance on the horizon of a couple of – or even one – pedestrian(s). The resultant traffic flow is both slower, even denser and lumpier, and vastly more jerky. The droid itself – resplendent in bilious yellow spacecuit and Gestapo-looking peaked cap, seems to be permanently in oscillatory motion to and from across the highway.

Perhaps they’ve been ordered to inconvenience the traffic as much as possible, maybe to cause deliberate “congestion”, so that further charges may be brought in? Since “Councils” soviets now employ these buggers, and are of course riddled to the core with the destroying-worm of GreeNazism and other forms of socialism, there’s grounds for suspecting an anti-car conspiracy. Can anyone else comment on this?

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6 responses to “Lollipop ladies and hidden agendas

  1. Totally agree! What also annoys me nowadays is how half the pedestrians aren’t even children! You might have a couple of little old ladies… fair enough! But you also get the 20 something who’s on her way to work, the 50 something who’s off to the shops, and even the builder bloke from number 24! Can these able bodied adults not cross the friggin’ road on their own yet? Perhaps Tufty should make a comeback!

  2. Probably just a desire to justify their own existence. They seem to me to be another of those anachronisms that nobody would dare to get rid of now, even though their purpose is long gone, like the BBC. I can’t myself remember ever crossing the road with the aid of one as a child. I know my primary school, a tiny little private school, didn’t have one. If I recall correctly, parents were expected to arrange safe passage to the school for their children, and if they failed at that they were presented with the remains in a cardboard box.

    I don’t quite see why, if the child has made it all the rest of the way to school, they need a special lollipopocrat to cross that last road. Other than that it’s probably infested with chelsea tractors driven by Mumsnet Woman, who is so busy sending a comment on the dangers of children watching Peppa Pig to the forum that she is likely to obliviously plough through wave after wave of children from the lower classes, and indeed their lollipop lady, and then she starts a new thread about the cost of getting the chavs’ remains cleaned off her vehicle, and how something really should be done about it by the government.

  3. “Sidewalk?” Pavement, please! Lollipop ladies are a British institution!

  4. I’d let them “do” a little old lady now and then: that’s fair and square, not to keep her waiting more than necessary as she probably desperately needs a wee too, and I wouldn’t want her to have to do it by the roadside.

    As to Ian’s piece: when I’m Principal-Secretary-of-State-for-War, in the English Revolutionary-Liberalist-Party’s first administration, lollipop-droidotrons – among many many many other classifications of state-droids, may find themselves without their “outreach-co-ordination”-incluso-diversiNazi office. They may then find it somewhat inexplicably difficult to “claim” their “pensions”, although their personal effects will be allowed to be removed by them, under supervision by my Ministry’s staff, from what would have been their offices.

  5. Pingback: Lollipop Ladies are a tool of the oppressors!!!! | Spinneyhead

  6. jane singleton

    i have been a lollypop lady for nearly twelve years and i do not stop traffic for able bodied people they are more than capable of crossing the road on their own,why is it that people have no respect for us that are willing to take their lives in their own hands, when there are people who drive cars like first class nutters and have no respect for the lives of people crossing the roads