Spot the difference…


Christopher Houseman

As an Election Day, May 6th 2010 reveals yet another important difference between a toddler and an adult.

A typical toddler may emerge triumphantly from the toilet today with the words “Mummy, I’ve done a poo!” Granted, the volume control may need a bit of work but, hey, it’s a start.

By contrast, as an adult I may emerge triumphantly later today from a voting booth, and tell the world by a variety of means (including a Facebook app) “Look! I’ve voted!”

Mummy may ask the toddler whether he’s flushed the chain or perhaps even washed his hands.

By contrast, I need tell nobody who I voted for or why I voted as I did.

Thanks to the wonders of modern plumbing and sanitation, the toddler’s mess will be flushed away and (hopefully) dealt with at a sewage works.

My vote will be put in a pile with a bunch of other pieces of paper in order to “choose” a local MP, who may (or may not) be part of a governing party. If my chosen candidate wins, I’m supposed to get a warm feeling that I’ve forced a bunch of total strangers to listen to me, before all the bits of paper are disposed of. If my chosen candidate loses, my wishes will be ignored completely and my vote will simply be disposed of as a waste product.

The toddler’s poo may be turned into fertiliser to help grow plants for food and/or aesthetic pleasure.

I have no idea whether or how my ballot paper will be recycled, but I’m pretty sure there are laws against the use of 100% “recycled” ballot papers.

The plants produced with the aid of the toddler’s recycled poo may help to alleviate a range of problems including global hunger, air pollution and clinical depression. In the meantime, the processes involved in recycling the toddler’s poo will have involved honest, productive work by a wide range of people.

Whichever party “wins” will try to spend the next 4 or 5 years generating a big pile of steaming poo legislation (stet?) to dump on the statute books, and on the lives of millions of people who may never have voted for any of the governing party’s members in the first place. The results will include yet more waste, fraud and misery.

I conclude the toddler is ahead on points.

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One response to “Spot the difference…

  1. I never thought of it like that!

    incidentally, Gold has risen $5 to $1,178 this morning, probably on pessimism about not only Greece, but us here. I predict $1,220 by tomorrow afternoon, when the Bond markets have had a go at us.