The Libertarian Alliance: BLOG

These excrescences have arrived en masse, typically in foul 70s-retro-Biba-type socialist-chic colours. One Soviet’s bins in the Liverpool “Gau” are a particularly repellent shade of bright magenta, which I previously only thought suitable for the more appropriate types of ladies’ visible underwear. They will now disfigure the country (the bins, not the underwear sadly.) Metal dustbins were much more iconic of liberalism, since they were statistically all different within a small area. They would quickly go a sort of brownish grey shade, merging into the background, like conservative people. You could burn stuff directly in them also, hence returning millions of tons of much needed CO2 to the atmosphere where it rightly belongs for the good of the Earth, while simultaneously reducing the volume of “waste” you produced.

We are to pay through the nose for these, an unfortunate turn of my phrase but there you are. However, I offer on this bolg a prize, which is (to be, sometime, when I get around to it) a hypertext link to a FIAT-paper voucher (the relevant experts are to convene a meeting to explore the feasibility of the scheme) to be exchanged for a bottle of State Champagne-Substitute, which will be awarded for each further useful suggestion for their uses, which gets successfully added to my preliminary list of ten below;

 10 useful things to do with wheelie-bins………. 

1                   Use as H&SE-approved substitute for sacks in “sack races” if not allowed to race “solo”  (oh, er, sorry, I forgot that you can’t say the word “race” any more.)

2                   Drill small drainage holes all the way up each side and grow potatoes in them (got to dig for victory after the floods…)

3                   Ditto carrots – height deters carrot-fly.

4                   Leave outside charity shops after filling with smelly old clothes.

5                   Ballast with half an inch of lead plate in bottom, and paddle around Tewkesbury.

6                   Upturn and stand on inverted base, to call for help after capsizing (see (5) above.) 

7                   “Install” 1,762,468 bins at the Tate-Modern.

8                   Place on side and use as long kennel for very short dog.

9                   Fill with concrete and use as barricades (if you are a socialist student.)

10      Fill black ones with concrete and place horizontally, three deep, across middle-class residential roads at night, to deter young male feral men with no hair driving W-reg Vauxhall Novas at 134 mph. An unplanned cheap flight of some 20-30 yards will result.