Thinking about Jihad; the market could be solving two problems at once.


I had an idea today. Don’t ask me if it’s been floated before as I don’t know. it just seems so elegant; what we once called “A one-stone-solution to a two-bird-problem”.

Waging war against anti-Western (that is to say, anti-liberal and anti-freedom) jihadists is becoming rather expensive and irritating. Not to mention the loss of life, mostly among Moslems or so it seems, when you watch these people “sawing heads and blowing up marketplaces while shrieking about their victimhood” (I got that from another bolg.)

There might be, say, and I am working this out as I go along, 50 million bored young men with no girls to talk to, of whom let us say 1 million are in jihadist training camps or British universities, and who have no female company and no money. They must be getting scared to talk to the girls by now, who may be stoned to death while the boys’ backs are turned. Our security services must be capable by now of finding all these chaps whether in Bradford or the Yemen, and then of making them an offer.

I mean, really, what a miserable life! To be forced on pain of death to live without sex until you marry, and even then not to be able to choose her, then to be lumbered with your cousin, and in the meantime to have no money, no computers and no playstations the-while, must be torment unimaginable; let us help the poor buggers.

The other strand of the device rests on the willingness of enough single British (or other) women, who for whatever reason can’t find a young dusky hunk like Bin Laden Junior, and who would be prepared to have one, along with some money. If there was one, and there was and she’s married him, there must be others.

Let us say that MI5 and 6 have got their teeth into the ankles of the 1 million. (This ought to be near the case by now.) Let us make them all an offer. We will give each one who agrees to renounce jihad $100,000 PLUS a free X-box-360 AND a free PS3, AND 20 free games. Yes, a hundred thousand greenbacks, and the hardware is effectively 2p. They can take £50,000 sterling instead if they prefer.  In addition, they HAVE TO take on one of the willing group of “white girls”, who will have been canvassed for this role by the “Social Services” departments of the various British Soviets in which they are currently paid out of the public purse to live, and they HAVE to live in a unit of “affordable housing”.

Those who would like more than one “wife” will, of course, be allowed to, subject to having to accept to receive appropriate multiples of the “dowry” and subject to each wife’s approval. It goes without saying that each “wife” will have to cease to be a charge on the State.

If all the one million took it up, this would cost $101 billion, which includes one billion for the toy-hardware. This is much much less than half the cost of the Iraq war to date, and a substantial although uncosted sum will be saved from socail security benefits. But not all will, so we will save costs here.

What it will also do is dramatically weaken the will to self-immolation through jihad, among the rest. We can afford it indefinitely. The jihadistas can’t begin to match it, and even the oil revenues of the wahhabists can’t keep pace while also keeping them in princes and Sri-Lankan slaves, at the required rate of consumption of both. Furthermore, the injection of so much money, leaving the public purse and entering the free market of cities like Bradford and Leicester, will have secondary benefits.

Wouldn’t “Paradise Now” be preferable to “Paradise Lost”?

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2 responses to “Thinking about Jihad; the market could be solving two problems at once.

  1. I believe the late Bill Hicks conducted a similar analysis of the synergies between health care and entertainment.

    Hicks’s contention was that hospitals were filling up with more and more geriatric patients, and movies were getting more and more boring. His solution was to employ the old and infirm as stunt people. I believe the specific quote was:

    “Do you want your granny to die in a sterile hospital room,her blue translucent vein so thin you can see her last heart beat go round her body?”

    (Long pause. )

    “Or do you want her to meet Chuck Norris?”

  2. ” We will give each one who agrees to renounce jihad $100,000 PLUS a free X-box-360 AND a free PS3, AND 20 free games”

    I’m sure the Xbox and PS3 will really convince them. Who could resist right?